Be Kind

tw: pregnancy, infertility, ageism

As a woman now gratefully experiencing the beauty of later motherhood, I lived with the pain of watching practically everyone I knew and cared about snuggling up with their own little ones for most of my life. It’s such a bittersweet feeling when you experience something you desire happening over and over again, just not to you. 

Thankfully more of the world recently seems to be waking up to the idea of providing trigger warnings/ content warnings and in general demonstrating more mindful sensitivity around women’s experiences and decisions about motherhood both in person and online. But as a young woman raised in the South, there was no barrier between my aching heart and the often intrusive ways in which my relational status and proximity to motherhood were constantly bombarded in one way or another.  

As painful as it was, these intrusions became so predictable that I learned to recite some witty -ish canned responses and avoid social settings ripe with the topic of having kids. But as trifling as it may sound, what I never really learned to ignore was the sight of adorable baby clothes, shoes and accessories. 

Somehow it was as if the very sight of them ushered me headfirst into the painful chasm of my childlessness. I mean, I’m clearly not the only one- after all there’s a reason the baby clothes industry is what it is (The market size, measured by revenue, of the Online Baby & Infant Apparel Sales industry is $3.1bn in the US in 2021 even when online sales are decreasing overall) . So I got good at avoiding displays in the malls, Target, even catalogues. 

In the midst of my losing battle with the “programming” I had around motherhood being reserved for the young, I found out that my little niece, who I helped babysit once upon a time, was pregnant. You can imagine how wonderful news like this still inflamed my open wound. Although I was no stranger to praying for my desire to be a mother to be fulfilled, my niece’s pregnancy might have been my first attempt at taking an observable step to manifest something that seemed so unobtainable. 

I can still remember walking into the Baby Gap I had been so good at avoiding and seeing the most gorgeous infant dress I had ever laid my eyes on. It looked like a replica of the homespun quilts my grandmother made me as a child, but it was dressed up with a velvet bodice and shiny embroidered flowers and designs cascading all over the patchwork bottom. At the time I was living in Brooklyn on a teachers salary and so broke I was sharing pizza slices with my roommate for dinner. But I knew as soon as I saw it that I had to buy one for my new great -niece AND one for my own future daughter.  

I prayed all the way up to the register that my usually maxed out credit card would handle it. I can remember putting both dresses down on the counter, hoping they wouldn’t ask why I was buying two in the same size. Would I say twins or tell the truth? And if I didn’t tell the truth would it jinx my manifesting commitment? I honestly don’t remember if they even asked, but I do remember carefully putting aside the feeling of impostor syndrome that immediately rose up within me. I am a future mother I told myself. 

My great niece wore the dress and I must have pictures of the cuteness overload somewhere. But as it turned out, the dress for my future daughter was packed and repacked over the next 20 years—somehow the velvet maintained its sheen even after moving with me through a marriage, a divorce, 3 different apartments, 3 different jobs, 3 different states, and a string of relationships. 

Fast forward to the last time I remember repacking this “dress”, which was when I put it away with the wedding dress I wore to marry the love of my life. I remember thinking about how silly I felt buying it that day so long ago, and how proud I felt now to have still held onto such a big dream. I mused that while it hadn’t manifested a child yet, maybe it had helped manifest the one man on the planet I would do anything to experience parenthood with. I put the dress away with love this time and no regret. Even the realization that it had been nearly 20 years since my niece wore her dress didn’t shift my peace. I even took a moment to look through the box of my own baby clothes and toys my mom had saved for me that I usually avoided even though I carried them with the same hope of the dress. 

And then, not so long after this experience, the previously unimaginable miracle of becoming pregnant at age 46 (and without any intervention) happened. I always imagined spending a pregnancy making a nursery and shopping for the adorable baby clothes I had avoided for so long, but my pregnancy turned out to be nothing like that. I listened to everyone who said don’t buy lots of clothes- just do the essentials for the newborn phase. And some who know me well told me, don’t get it all now or on a registry - go and enjoy the experience of shopping for your baby in the sections of the stores you spent so many years avoiding!! Watch his personality emerge and match his clothes to it! And so I waited. I bought one going home outfit with Baby Gap booties ( perhaps a nod to the still unworn dress) , and newborn staples like plain onesies, socks, and hats. And then, when he was about 8 days old, the entire world shut down. Y’all —-even if i wanted to I couldn’t even buy some Cat and Jack t shirts without waiting in the unbelievable lines that snaked around Target with the other toilet paper and soap hunters.

Don’t get me wrong. Things were crazy, but ny new mama’s heart was still overflowing with gratitude for our little miracle. That said, after decades of associating making or buying baby clothes with a universal experience of motherhood, selecting at least some of them myself felt like a rite of passage into motherhood that I was about to miss. 

Enter Be Kind Kids, an upscale kids and maternity consignment boutique in Greensboro, NC. 

While pregnant, I saw an intriguing sign go up over a storefront on State St., one of my favorite places to visit in Greensboro. The sign said “Be Kind Kids”. Never had a consignment store caught my attention like this one did! I followed their opening journey via Instagram since pregnancy challenges had sidelined me from doing anything nonessential. But I knew from the name/ logo, the storefront window, and the sunny warmth that shone right through their insta grid and stories that the clothes were only part of the story. I couldn’t wait to shop there after Horizon was born. 

Fast forward a few months postpartum and knee deep in our toilet paper hunting phase of the pandemic, I remember reading about the devastating impact of the pandemic on retail and feeling sad that I would never get to visit that incredibly cute and unique children’s consignment boutique I saw on State St. I mean I assumed there was absolutely no way a brand new shop could stay open under the pandemic circumstances. But when I checked their page I realized that not only were they still open , they were going strong—offering an entire range of creative options for the community to continue to benefit from consigning and shopping together. Their pandemic pivot was so natural and high energy -it seemed as if they had been working this way for years. 

I began watching their upbeat insta stories and feed regularly because not only did I find stylish yet affordable items, I also found the friendly voices of mamas I had never met who made me feel a little less alone on this crazy postpartum in a pandemic journey. All the mom and me classes and breastfeeding and new parent groups I had planned to attend were canceled indefinitely- I think we have all forgotten just how closed the world was in March 2020… but finding the Be Kind Kids Team was almost like going shopping with another mom who helped you pick out the best items and still excitedly welcomed pics of your child wearing the results! How fun was that in a lonely lockdown?! In fact, 20 months later, I still love seeing Izzy’s (one of the owners) cuteness -affirming messages pop up on my phone after I send a pic of H in some new outfit or accessory from the shop. 

And over time I learned that I had been right that there was much more than clothes happening inside. “Be Kind Kids” was much more than a cute name for a boutique or even an explicit call to be kind (although I love that it is both of these things also!) For me, it was the judgment free zone for mamas like me who still chose to do curbside pickups even when the shop doors opened again. It was the Instagram live sales that gave mamas like me a chance to “shop” while I pumped on the couch. It was the attention and energy their whole team gave to small shopping requests I made frequently that weren’t going to impact their financial bottom line but they showed excitement to help anyway. It was the attention they paid to everyone’s mental health in their social media posts. 

As the summer progressed, it was the alignment and activism they showed for the Black Lives Matter movement and the environment. It was seeing the curation of powerful progressive symbols and messages on fun merchandise. It was the way they seemed to effortlessly blend their passion for fashion with philanthropy, community, and entrepreneurship. It was the consistent hopefulness I felt anytime I interacted with them. Recently, it was watching a team member sit down on the floor and make crafts with a 4 year old so their mama could shop without distractions. It was the way their existence even as strangers in my world somehow made me feel a little less alone living in a new place. All in alI, for me it was their kindness. 

And so when I finally felt ready to venture out into the world for literally the first time since before H’s birth, it was their store I chose to go to. I don’t even remember what I bought that day, but what I do remember is that they stopped what they were doing and graciously listened to a tired, scared and extremely extroverted mama who had been inside far too long. To use my own eyes and hands to shop was a thrilling experience and they made connecting with me in my frazzled state seem easy. 

As the months went on, I would treat myself to a quick visit to the shop now and then. I consigned with them, shopped at their special gear sale in the Spring- and although our own family resources had been slashed by the pandemic, I could always find something that took me back to the familiar desire I felt in those Baby Gap store windows I avoided so long ago. But this time, I was able to fulfill the desire since my dream had now come true. And no matter what I bought for H—-a last minute outfit that matched daddy for Easter, his very first pair of rain boots and first summer sandals, cuddly pjs, a winter hat or even his first Little Tikes car, I left with a good memory and that same warm feeling of having experienced kindness. 

The last time I was in the shop, my eyes landed on a most unexpected item that now hangs in our kitchen- an art print with gorgeous typography that said “These Are the Days”. I bought it because I was taken with the power of these simple words to remind me to remain in gratitude and presence. 

I am forever grateful for the kindness of the entire Be Kind Kids Team who made it so much easier for me to savor the days of early motherhood in small ways that had a big impact. I know it couldn’t have been easy for them to pivot the way they did their first year in business. In fact, I imagine it’s still not easy. 

And I know stories like this don’t ring the cash register, especially when the writer doesn’t have a large social media following 😉, but to me sharing stories of kindness and gratitude like this are the kind of “invisible currency” I want to be spending and receiving—-so if you read this and feel the same way, please consider visiting/ following/ shopping their super fun social pages or their website (they sell and ship nationwide).

insta: @be.kind.kids AND/ OR by sharing some gratitude for a small business in your own community that has made your pandemic days better in some way. 

*I write these portraits without the knowledge of or engagement with the people/ business I am expressing gratitude to. Link in bio will take you to the first portrait that explains more about why I am doing this. Thank you for reading 💗