I Wish

For all the Floortimers I’ve met and those I look forward to meeting in the future

I wish you had been with me as I taught hundreds of children over the years, often feeling lost about how to meet their unique needs, or that there was so much more I could be doing if only I knew how. Sometimes, when I hear you talk about your kids or see a video of your work, I see the faces of students of mine from long ago, and I wish I could go back in time and teach them again, taking with me what I’ve learned from you.

I wish you would have had a permanent seat at every single school-based support team/intervention meeting I attended as a K-8 principal. Instead, you had to “share” your time across multiple schools and far too many caseloads to count. Your relationships, knowledge, strategies, affect and presence would have answered so many questions- including the ones we didn’t even know to ask, no matter how much we truly wanted to help.

I wish I had known you when my baby suddenly stopped breastfeeding at 3 months old and the pediatrician dismissed our concerns- an early warning of how this Dr. would respond to crawling, communication, inability to be soothed, and sleeping concerns- telling us to “wait it out” or just put him in daycare.

I wish you had been with us when the same pediatrician said at the beginning of a checkup many months down the line after hearing about our ongoing concerns, “Well, I really hope he doesn’t have autism” and concluded the visit with “there’s no way he has autism because he looked at me and said my name… but you are going to have to put him to sleep for any dental visits.”

At our lowest point of frustration and sadness, exhausted by navigating the entire postpartum experience in a global pandemic, with no childcare, family, friends, and not even toilet paper to be found, I wished for a miracle and took new action to find you. And you appeared! You listened, collaborated, co-treated, and even co-regulated with us in our frazzled state and assured us that all was ok. You led us into a safe haven- the first we had experienced where our child was not going to be seen as something broken to be fixed, but rather as someone of immense importance who was to be known, understood, and delighted in- no matter what.

You guided us to follow our child in play and offered a meta view of life and humanity that went far beyond the quality time we were learning to spend “on the floor” with our son. This view gave us a lens that unites us all by elevating the developmental nature of how life works while celebrating everyone’s individual differences. You anchored us into co-regulating and connecting and thus onto new paths of deepening our adoration of our son, and the time we spend together on the “floor” and throughout all of life.

You put away the timelines, the expectations, and the judgment that permeate much of the therapeutic space and replaced them with joy, affect, and lots of practice in being fully present with our child, and with ourselves- fully inhabiting the moment and remaining responsive and open.

Your language was laden with wisdom—the kind that shows up after lots of practice and careful attention to developing your own craft, and yet you gladly welcomed us to try on this new language and understanding, patiently making connections between our experiences with our son and your expertise and assuring us that we were “being” and “doing” exactly what he needed at the time.

Yes, I wish I could have had you by my side to help light the way through the dead-ends, closed doors, and dehumanizing experiences with a world that doesn’t see children the way you see them-- who doesn’t see what my son’s and every other child’s unique profile brings to the world the way you do. It’s a world that is struggling to love what is already beautiful and whole—and yet there is hope because you know the way to this place where learning and love blend seamlessly together, and you show us how possible it is from your humble seat on the Floor.

I wish that the world be filled to overflowing with Floortimers just like you for the sake of us all in this human experience of life.